Signs of Spring

I suppose the first sign of spring is that it's not freaking raining, which is good because I'm sure I was growing moss between my toes.

Now the only rain is pollen, always nice for the companies who makes Claritin, Zyrtec or Flonase, bless them.  Otherwise there would be no breathing going on at all.

Yesterday we headed out for the Empire Mine loop.  It was beautiful and the dogs got a little more sniffing time as I'm gingerly walking on a least two large blisters from this weekend.  Any aches and pains are well worth it, it couldn't have been more fun or satisfying.

I found this little beauty down by Little Wolf Creek.  I love salamanders.

Down by the Mine entrance I saw this.

The color is just beautiful, the car is kinda cute too.

AND, then I shot 177 on the first sequence at league last night, woot!  Of course, the second sequence wasn't so great but I'll get there, it was only my fourth night of league.

These days and this weather make me almost giddy.  The breezes are cool and soft, lifting and rearranging the crazy strands of my hair, cooling my skin as we walk down sunny paths and through dense, quiet forests, wrapping the scents of the plants and the tangy dirt smells around me, it's heavenly. The dogs lift their heads and flare their nostrils to suck in the scent too and every now and then will circle and circle from one side of the road to the other, catching the meanderings of an animal gone quietly back into the woods.

Last night about 3am I woke up and opened the curtain so I could see the night sky from my bed. The stars were blazing and it was dark and still, no noises, all thoughts stilled in sleep, dogs wuffling softly.

I slept well and deeply, peacefully.

I wish the same to you.

Infineon Weekend or...

...I love the smell of race fuel in the morning!

Wow!  What a great weekend in each and every way.  I started by blasting my way through a couple of shops in Berkeley, my wine closet is now FULL and ready for some great dinners on the deck.

Then I met up with a very great friend and helped him celebrate his birthday with a margarita or two, Happy Birthday D!  Saturday morning bright and early we got to the track.  It was a CSRG - Classic Sport Racing Group weekend so it was impossible not to drool on most of the cars in the paddock.  Of course, the best are the Corvette's.

Warm up.  The man who keeps them moving fast.  He's really not as scary as he looks, that's his concentrating face.

Saturday night was more excellent fun and on Sunday my Mom and Dad came down for the day.
My Dad getting ready for a ride.

A good friend getting ready to go zoom too.  The best part is seeing their faces when they get back, BIG SMILES!

The weather was fabulous, sunny with a cool breeze.  I need more sunscreen and maybe a hat. The ZoomZoom noises are incredible.  I can't wait to go again.

So, today I'm back, happy to be in my Treehouse again.  This afternoon I'll be looking at some houses for sale, wish me luck!

Peace

Gallery Days

Today was my day to work at the Art Works Gallery in GV.  It's so much fun to meet new people.  Today is warm and sunny so we had the doors open, which meant the people watching was good and I actually got to hear what was going on outside.

After closing I wandered down the street to the Lucchesi winery tasting room, said hi to my friend there and tried both their Pinot Grigio and the Tempranillo, both lovely wines.  I also picked up my wine club member shipment and then I headed home to my furry boys.

BIG NEWS!  We have a contract on the house in Minnesota!  Woot!  Which means I'll have my lovely red Pottery Barn furniture here by the end of June.  And my floor lamps and my books and the remainder of my embarrassingly huge fiestware collection.

It also means I'm going to get serious about finding myself my own house.  I don't mind renting but I'm yearning to have my own place.  A place to paint in any color I feel like.  A place to plant my own flowers and see them grow.  A place to start making memories in my new life.

I believe in sending wishes out into the universe.  She will hear me and provide what she knows I need.  I think I need a smallish place that I can make beautiful, serene and sort of eclectic.  A place to fill with laughter and love, with bare feet on wood floors, lazy loving on hot nights, sunshine in the morning drinking coffee on the back patio, roses and jasmine and rosemary and sage, a place for the boys to be in the back yard, maybe a garage with a workshop upstairs, a wall of books, a woodstove for cold winter nights, a kitchen for cooking small intimate meals and sometimes big feasts, a place to drink wine and dance to music, a place to sit and listen, a place to grow and give whatever is needed to those I love, a place for my heart.

Is that too much to ask?

I don't think so, it's just enough.

Peaceful dreams and joy to you.

Sunny day, chasing the clouds away

Yep, it's all good here on Sesame Street.

So much sunshine, so many things to do all of a sudden.  The car is clean and shiny inside and out.  We just got back from a three mile kick ass hike at the South Yuba, walking and talking with one of my best friends.

Life is good.  I'm heading down to Infineon this weekend to see my first classic car race.  This is also my chance to see one of my best friends in his element, what a cool thing that will be.  I hope I can get some nice pics of the cars, holy shit, Corvettes, Porsches, Mustangs and all the rest, can't wait.

My four legged best friends are tuckered out, good thing as I'm heading out for some fun.  The days and nights never end when the weather is good.  Soon I'll be sitting on my deck in the dark, sipping fine wine with friends, doesn't get any better than that.

Peace, contentment, laughter and sweet things to you from our very happy house.

Rainy day dogs

Well, it's getting to be nice here when it's only raining lightly.  So in desperation we headed out to play this morning, walked along the NID ditch, played some frisbee, squished some mud.

These pics show the boys personalities perfectly.  First, brave, rain hating Dandy.  He'll follow me to the end of the earth.  You can see how miserable he is.  "Please, can't we go in now?"

And then there is Bode, my mudder.  He's not only willing to tromp through rain, sleet, snow, mud, puddles, whatever, he doesn't even notice them.  It's all fun to him.  "Let's play, huh?"

My constant companions, playmates, bringers of smiles and laughter, cuddlers, foot warmers, great guys, both of them.  Love me, love my dogs...

Peace and smiles

Make it stop...

I'm completely solar powered so this weather is really dragging me down.
Sinking slowly into madness, ha, ha, ha!
Well, not really but close.
Even the dogs are going stir crazy.
Just have to hang on until Monday, when it's supposed to be 70 degrees, forgot that warm feeling.

A lot of shooting at the Range did make me feel pretty good.  I'm hoping to improve my scores next Monday, bad weather canceled this week's league.

Flowers are starting to pop out on the trails, this should be a really pretty spring.  In the meantime, these photos from my garden in Minnesota.

Beverly Sills Iris

Waterbaby Poppy

Volunteer Columbine

Clematis

Well, that makes me feel much better, how about you?
I can't believe how much my mood is dictated by the weather.
Or how much my mood is dictated by others.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
A little of both I think.
Of course, my mood wears off on others too.
I especially love spreading a huge smile around on a gloomy day.
And sharing thoughts here and in emails and on the phone.
But, this is essentially a lonely life, good, but lonely.
I'm always looking forward to what tomorrow brings.
Some days it's worry, sadness, grief, loss, that sense of missing someone so much it's hard to catch my breath.
Some days it's sunlight, smiles, laughter, loving, knowing the sweetness of a special person, anticipating that first kiss, savoring the last.
It's all good, better to feel hard than not at all.
I want to be right in the middle of it.

Peace

Opening Gambit

Not bad, not bad at all...

Thank you, sweet man, you made my day.

Peace

End of an era

I've never known a world without Elizabeth Taylor in it.  Her stunning features and incomparable eyes made the world a more beautiful place.  Her craft made us cry in National Velvet and continued through the years to delight us.  Her love of life, men and fabulous jewels will never again be equaled.  She may have stumbled occasionally but she was always classy.  Her greatest role was to play Elizabeth Taylor.

 "I call upon you to draw from the depths of your being — to prove that we are a human race, to prove that our love outweighs our need to hate, that our compassion is more compelling than our need to blame." Elizabeth Taylor - Acceptance speech for a Humanitarian award in 1993.

Rest in Peace

Little rays of sunshine

The weather channel said we had three hours of sun so we headed straight down to the south Yuba.  There are closer places to hike but they stay muddy for several days after a good rain and the south Yuba at Bridgeport is sandy and dries out quickly.

We reversed the upper trail today, first hit the rocky mile to Lake Englebright, then up and up to the top overlooking the whole valley and down the steep switchbacks to the car, almost three miles, whew!

Here's the first rocky mile, see the boys patiently waiting?

Then the beautiful and very jade green lake.

And on the trip back UP the very steep hill, stopping to take pictures is a good excuse to catch my breathe.

And finally the lush green meadows at the top.

So now we're all tired and ready for a nap.  It was incredibly wonderful to get some sun off and on during our hike.  I would just stop, close my eyes and soak it all in, probably a good thing as we may have rain for the next five days.

Peace to you.

Song for the day...

Today was toenail trimming day for Dandy and Bode.  They are pretty mellow about it.  I use a dremel and just sand them short and smooth.  I always try to stay calm and happy when I'm doing their nails. I sing them a song while we're sanding and it's always the same song, one of the finest of the old songs, El Paso by Marty Robbins.

I got a lot done today.  It was a very strange weather day, rain, sun, hail and a a beautiful sunset followed by more rain, sigh...

We're lonely around here lately, missing our laughing friend, nights are the worst.

Peace to you from me and mine.

Rain Songs

How appropriate that Tom Petty is singing Louisiana Rain.  I went searching for that song to post here and found this excellent song, different but good.

I've already post Tina Turner's "I can't stand the rain" which is also one of my all time favorites.  But that one is sort of sad and I'm trying so hard not to get sucked up into that.  So here's the ultimate in rainy day songs:

How can you watch that and not smile?

I also took a picture of one of my personal pieces of jewelry.  My how-to for this was originally published in Step by Step Wire.  I think I might have to make a couple for sale, it always gets noticed. And maybe I'll show the process too.

I'm very happy when I get a comment on one of my posts here.  I can see that people are reading my blog but unless you post a comment I don't really know what you are thinking.  Think of it as a way to make this a little like a two way dialogue, though if you hate me and think I'm stupid I'll probably cry and then you'll have to live with that.

Luckily I think most people come back and read my posts because they like what I say or can find some meaning or because they just like the wandering photos or the jewelry, so that's ok.  I try to mix it up.  And if you can believe it I hold back quite a bit.  You can think of my words as the little waves that roll into shore, wetting your feet and sometimes bringing in a pretty shell.  The rest of me is the ocean, turbulent, never resting, ever changing, filled with life and strange things.

I think we're all like that.  We put out little tendrils but keep the real tender part of ourselves behind the thorns and the stickers.  Someone like me can feel what's vibrating inside you, your joy, your pain, your fears, your anger...and every so often I feel things so sweet it's hard to stay away.  Have you ever just knew you liked a person the first time you shook their hand?  It's like that. Everyone can do it, call it instinct, empathy, whatever, it just takes practice and finding a balance between iron doors to keep all those feelings out and being overloaded by too many feelings.

Enough introspection, time for some studio work.

Peace to you from me and mine

Snow in March

Well, things got a little exciting yesterday.  I was working a shift at the Gallery and this started.

And it kept snowing and snowing and getting deeper and deeper.  Now, since I've spent many years driving in snow I wasn't worried.  The drive home was very slow, this was a wet, heavy, extremely slippery snow.  Lots of little cars should not have been on the road, they eventually got stranded in the middle of the hills everywhere.  It was pretty though.

Then I got a bit cocky and tried to make it up my driveway.  Well, this is the top of the driveway I didn't make it up, the carnage is below along with my truck.  The good news is I didn't roll it, the bad news is yet to be determined, the bumper at least, hopefully that's it.  I knew that sooner or later the driveway and I would get into it, the driveway won, I admit defeat.

So I came in, said hi to the boys, talked to a couple of sweet friends, heated up my vegetable pastie for dinner, drank two beers and went to bed.

Now out to shovel some muck and see if I can get the driveway cleared off.

Peace

Pretties

I do manage to get some work done here and there.  Today I managed to get these bracelets hammered, finished and tumbled.  They are going to Jewels on the River in Wabasha, Minnesota.

We took a nice walk along the ditch this morning.  After which I worked in the studio, went and photographed a house for an out of state friend and then hit the Range for some practice.  I got my target pistol checked and adjusted for accuracy, seems to have worked.  The six in the 9 area were planned, so it turned out pretty well.

Life is good, though I'm worried about a couple of friends that mean a lot to me.  I'm practicing patience and hoping for the best.  Often we can do no more than love someone, appreciate them for what makes them so interesting and appealing and look forward to seeing them again.  I got attached without knowing it, but isn't that the way things go sometimes?

Peace

Consequences of disaster

It seems a small thing in comparison but I've noticed my sensitive, artistic friends are suffering.  It's been a bad week, a lot of my physical pain ended with the earthquake, but the mental pain started after that.

If you're the type who feels very connected to the earth or if you are sensitive to emotions then take good care of yourself and don't be surprised if you are hurting or feel unstable or unsettled.

We're also isolating ourselves, probably in an attempt to block out the pain.  But that's really a bad idea, we should be together, offering love and support, laughing and nurturing our souls.

Peace to you, and healing...

On guns and rain and men...

Raining hard this morning so I slept in, deep and warm in my wool blankets.  I see that I'm still on whatever time it is we left last week, crawling out of bed at 8:30 doesn't seem to bother the dogs much, it's only 7:30 to them but it makes me feel very lazy.  I've got plenty of little projects to work on and I'll probably bake some bread, how does Whole Wheat Molasses Bread sound?  It's good stuff.

Last night was my second night at shooting league and it went much better.  I shot a 172 on the first sequence and a 158 on the second sequence.  I didn't run out of time but still need to settle down a bit and that will improve even more.  We shoot the same series next week so I'll go practice once this week and see what happens.  I'm more comfortable because I know what to expect now and I just want everyone to get out of my way and let me shoot.  I love, love, love to shoot.  I love the feel of the firearm, that amazing piece of finely crafted machinery.  I love the smell of the range and seeing the spark of fire that comes out of the muzzles.  My sense of aesthetics is a bit offended by my holster set-up.  I think all gunbelts should be leather because I was raised admiring my Dad's gunbelt, all tooled leather, well oiled, creaking a bit like a good saddle.  Well, that's something I can keep my eye out for, first make sure I really like this, then look for leather.  I'd prefer a used set-up, well worn and loved would be heavenly.

Ah, then there are the men. I can't help but think that whatever happens is my fault, as much as I try to avoid that.  I know everyone has their demons and if they are dealing with demons and don't want my help then that's fine.  But tell me, ok?

I swore I would never be one of those women who refused to trust anyone because of their past interactions.  I thought you should get over it and move on and to some extent I still feel that way.  However, because I do become quite emotionally involved quickly I'm going to have to rethink things.  I can continue as long as I am able to maintain my personal sense of equilibrium.  Does it make me happy?  What is the disruption factor?  And the big question is if I knew now what would happen would I do it again?  I believe that you learn something from every interaction, that this path is chosen for us and when we choose with love, kindness, compassion and good will then we will continue on the right path.  So, yes, so far I'd meet them again, love them, need them, lose them, mourn them, but not forget them.

But here's the big question.  Would I take them back?  Knowing what I know now about how they choose to treat their women, would I place myself at their mercy again?  This requires me to dig down deep and see how I really feel.  And I find a few surprising things.  I'm a very primitive person, a thin veneer of civilization cloaks some really strong emotions.  And maybe it's not placing myself at their mercy, but do I think they'd be well served to be at mine?  In some instances no, I'd not be able to keep the anger at bay forever, so it's best not to go there.  In others I am merely curious, what's in there, can we get through the fences and the forest of pain to find the place of peace together?  Yeah, I think sometimes it's worth it.

When I stand on the ocean bluff or the mountain trail and open my heart to the one to ask for guidance I ask not for her to make him mine, but to guide me in treating him in such a way that will be good for both of us.  Would that they did the same.

Peace to you and yours from me and mine.

Sleepy Sunday

Yesterday we took a different path down at the South Yuba.  It's called the Point Defiance Loop, goes up the hill in switchbacks and then sweeps down above and along Lake Englebright until it finally winds back to the covered bridge.  It's almost 3 miles and we did really great. Next time I'm bringing lunch to have down by the lake before tackling the last mile of scrambling around a very rocky path.  Here's a pretty view:

We earned our nap yesterday.  Last night I was too lazy to head out to find some fun so I curled up on the couch and worked on some earrings.  These are one of my favorite designs.  I wear a pair several times a week.  Now into the tumbler for some shine and then finish them up.

Oh, life is strange lately.  This time last year I was down to a couple of weeks before I had to go back to Minnesota and boy was I dreading it.  I knew down deep in my heart that I didn't belong there anymore but was trying to keep an open mind and heart.  And so I walked and thought and cried and mourned leaving this place that I love.  I noticed every budding rose and blooming daffodil and wished with all my heart that I could stay to see them burst into color.

But I did go back and I did make the decision to leave and return home, finally.  And now I am rewarded with not only the blooming daffodils but the flowering of friendships and relationships that to me are every bit as incredibly beautiful.  Sometimes it's hard.  I've stumbled many times and expect I will stumble many more in my search.  I don't know how to love halfway, it's all or nothing.  My brain kicks in occasionally to remind me of past mistakes and so there is a bit of tempering, but not much.  If my wild heart ever finds it's match then the rest is just details.

I'm starting to see that this season will be a celebration for me.  Instead of mourning I'm going to wake each day and be thankful that my year of hard work brought me to this point in time.  I feel like this spring will be so incredibly beautiful, soft and warm and fragrant.  The summer will be sun drenched, hot and burning with light, saturated with smells and tastes and the feel of cold river water on my skin.  This will be the season of sensuality for me, intense focus that brings all things into clarity.

Welcome to my world...

Peace

Disaster

My heart breaks for the people of Japan, massive earthquake, tsunami, unstable nuclear power plants.

Thanks to those who drop everything to go and help in places like New Zealand and Japan.

It's inspiring to see how the worst brings out the best.

First Night

Well, my first night of shooting league was good and bad.

So here's the scenario.  I'm borrowing a pistol because mine has to be re-gripped to accommodate the speed loaders and while I have my own belt I'm also borrowing a holster to fit the borrowed pistol.  I haven't had much practice with speed loaders either.

In the first sequence we shoot 12 rounds at 7 yards.  The buzzer goes off and my brain goes off too. I'm just trying to remember to point the pistol in the right direction. I fumble around with the speed loader and while I shoot ok, I run out of time with two shots left, minus 20 points, ouch!  I remember to breathe as we are walking out of the range.....heart pounding, hands shaking, why am I doing this?

In the second sequence I have a misfire (a bullet that doesn't go boom when you pull the trigger) but I do better with the speed loader.  However, I have one zero shot which means my misfire is counted as a zero too, damn. I think I remembered to breathe at least once.

We discover that the misfire is caused by a slightly sticky trigger.  They caution me to pull it cleanly and release.  I'm like, "Yeah, right."

In the third sequence we shoot at a moving target and here I just lost it, had another misfire, didn't even get to my second six shots, get help from the Boss.

Ok, all done, get lots of encouragement and congratulations for finishing the night.  Feel pretty damn good even if it wasn't a stellar debut.  Set up a lesson for later in the week and it looks like I may be able to use my own pistol for next week.

Get home, drink a glass or two of wine and relax, finally get my shaking hands and pounding heart to settle down.  Decide it was one of the most fun things I've done in quite some time.  I can't wait for next week.  I know I'll do much better.

Peace

Independence Trail

Since it rained yesterday I knew today would be a great waterfall day on the Independence Trail (above Nevada City).  The trail itself was pretty soggy in places but ok and the waterfalls were gorgeous. Don't play this unless you need 40 some seconds of serenity.

And a couple of still pictures.  One of the waterfalls is just so perfect.

And a new photo of Rush Creek with lots of water.  Go back to January 15th to see the difference.  It was roaring today, awesome!

Good day to you!

Warrior's Heart

I made a lot of earrings yesterday and then this piece called out to be made.

I used to wear one similar to it which was the first of this series I ever made.  I gave it away to a friend who wanted it badly and have been waiting for just the right time to make a new one.  Jewelry worn frequently can begin to become a talisman of sorts, especially when worn by those in tune with their inner strengths.

A good man recently mentioned that he thought I had a warrior's heart.  I'm not quite sure what he meant completely but it did stick with me.  I know I am quick to anger, quick to love and view life with a fierce passion.  I will never submit but I will gladly follow one with strength and honor, and if there is no one to lead I will. My heart may be battered and bruised but it's forever solid.

What do you think?

Peace

Foothills Celebration

Yesterday was such a fun day!  We had the Foothills Celebration in Grass Valley with over 30 wineries from all over the foothills and food and restaurant vendors who brought in samples of their finest.  At the Art Works Gallery we had Matteo's from Nevada City with pulled Pork sandwiches and chocolate mousse and Holley Hills winery from Placerville.

It was great fun to be there, some of the best people watching I've done for quite a while.  It's like a big party, everyone is friendly and happy, who wouldn't be?  I had so much fun meeting people and talking about my art and about the gallery.  I think a lot of people will be back to purchase things they saw and liked.

Just a quick photo of our street with lots of people and cars.  For more info on things happening in GV go to www.downtowngrassvalley.com  There's a car show the end of April, an art festival in May and in June the Farmers Market starts, every Thursday the street is closed off from 6-9pm for produce, music, food and people watching.

Peace to you and yours from me and mine.

Process - Fine Silver Earrings

I start from scratch with fine silver wire (16 gauge) and various mandrels, extremely high tech devices like dowel rods and knitting needles, pens, kitchen utensils, anything rigid and round. Be wise about spending your money, some things are worth the extra, some are not.

Winding the wire onto the mandrel.  I have a winder that works great for any mandrel up to about 1/2 inch, after that I have to wind it by hand, which is a little bit harder on my hands.

You end up with a nice coil of wire ready to cut into rings.  This is where it's worth spending the money for a great pair of ultra flush cutters.  BOTH ends of the ring have to be very flat so they butt up together.  You have to cut on side and then flip your pliers over to cut the other side, it's a spatial thing that eludes most people.

This is a not so great photo of fusing, a little difficult to do holding torch and phone/camera.  But you get the general idea of the pinkish color you get right before the ends melt and fuse together.  Don't be discouraged with this process.  It's all percentages, when you first start you may have 10% success, then slowly your success rate will improve.  I've done many thousands and I'm down to a 10% failure rate.  It happens, you lose concentration, the torch needs fuel, the ends aren't touching properly, whatever.

When fusing chain I'll fuse a bunch and then join two with a third.  Joining rings means you have to prop up the already joined rings so they don't touch the ring you are fusing, kind of tricky sometimes but not that hard.

These have been fused, tossed in a water bath to cool and are ready to shape and hammer.

Shaping with some nice pliers.  It's all practice and guesswork. And no I wouldn't make the shapes first and then fuse them.  Why put effort into something that may fail?  And the shapes make it difficult to get them fused, you want to push the heat up into the unfused ends.

And now for hammering, both sides get hammered for strength and to create facets in the metal that will catch the light.  These will all go into a tumbler for a final shine.  Bigger shapes are easier to hammer, smaller ones tend to be hard on my fingers, ouch.

If you are in the area and want a class on fusing fine silver I am available by appointment, just let me know.  My studio is a heavenly place filled with fun, but I warn you, you have to like dogs!

Peace

Fun stuff...

This week I'm getting set up to start in a pistol shooting league next week.  I'm very excited.  I have to learn to use a holster and speed loaders and to shoot from different positions, around barriers, standing, kneeling, sitting and so on.  The people in the league are very friendly and I'm looking forward to interacting with them.

Yesterday I went to The Range and worked with one of their instructors.  He's a great guy, very patient and explains things very well.  I'll be using one of my Dad's old pistols, which makes it really special for me. I love learning new things and when it involves either cars, guns or animals I'm a very happy camper.

And...I'm starting a big production run of earrings and trying not to whine.  I much prefer building big heavy chain for bracelets or trying something new but I'm almost out of earrings and need to keep my stock up.  So I'll suck it up and get to work...tomorrow. Ha!

The rain and gloom of yesterday gave way to a really nice day today.  The day started well with breakfast with a friend who makes me laugh a lot and ended with a nice walk with the boys down the local irrigation ditch.  The turkeys are very active right now, we ran into a big troup of them being entertained by a tom turkey in full display, pretty and of course I didn't have my camera today, these are from a couple of days ago.

Peaceful dreams

I fall down, I get back up again...

I admit that things happen for a reason.  Was it fun?  Yes.  Was it right for me?  Probably not.  Does it hurt?  Yes. I have friends who think of me, call me, connect enough to let me know I'm not alone, it's so good.  And I've found a sort of surprising connection where I least expected it.  One of many things that are good for my soul.

Life moves on, so do I.  I need to stay in my mountains.  I need to stay connected with people with inventive and creative minds and with those who make me laugh.  I have to be who I am.

Peace

Never halfway...

This is a tough one to write as there are many things about it either too personal or presently unresolved but it is having a great effect on my life so it's fair game here.

When I started looking around for a companion, friend, lover, partner in crime and general yin to my yang I had already thought long and hard about what kind of man I required.  Also, I've already met some amazing men and have learned more from them about what attracts me and perhaps more about what I really need.  As usual I brought a lot of past prejudices into the mix, like no golfers because I really felt uncomfortable in the whole country club scene and didn't want to deal with that again.  But then I thought that was maybe a little harsh, who cares if someone golfs as long as I don't have to go? And they do like the outdoors, which is one very important requirement for me.

I never made a list before and of course I never really thought out just what sort of person would be good for me in the long run.  This time I know more about me and I'm much more concerned about forming a partnership that will benefit each of us.

*I want someone who loves the outdoors, really loves the outdoors, needs to be outside in natural settings not to conquer the river or the mountain but to soak up everything it has to offer.
*Facial hair - this one is negotiable but I REALLY like to rub my cheek on a beard.
*Life's work - Not so much what you do but do you like doing it?  Is it your calling? Is it part of your life or does it run your life? There is nothing better for me than to be able to watch a man in his element, confident, passionate, aware, alive - it's quite appealing.
*Strong - I'm not a meek individual and I don't like feeling like I'm running things all the time.  I like men who naturally move in to take charge, those with confidence and self assurance.  These aren't bossy people or obnoxious braggarts but men who see what needs to be done and then they just do it.  I think it comes from someone who actually pays attention enough to know when they can help.
*No motorcycles please - I'm not gonna ride one and the whole leather pants and bandana thing is just too much for me.
*Children and/or animals - Having had or having either of these pretty much guarantees that you aren't a stranger to midnight bouts of intestinal distress, that you know how to soothe the sick and the sad, and loving a teenager or having to take your best friend on their last car ride means you can handle the hard stuff.
***Have time for us and be willing to make us the focus of why we do all the other things.

There are of course many more pretty important things but most of them are negotiable, these are my high points.

So I meet this man who has most of the above as well as an uncanny ability to make me feel very well taken care of in every way.  We have plenty of differences, he likes to tease me about my tendency to be over emotional but he has been working on communicating more.  I've got real concerns that there isn't room in his schedule for me.  And then there is the fact that he lives in the big city and I'm a mountain girl, which really isn't that huge as long as we commit to doing some traveling and truthfully, for a quality relationship I can give up a lot.  He captures my imagination completely, upends my comfortable existence and makes me stupid happy.

Then - nothing...no communication for three days...doesn't make sense to me either...

So I'm in this strange holding pattern, waiting for the brush-off, thinking maybe this is the brush-off, knowing this isn't what I would have expected from this very reasonable and stable individual, hoping he's not too busy with work to even care, hoping he's not sick, wishing I knew, not wanting to know...

So that's the short version of my life right now...wish I had been abducted by pirates.

Peace to you.

Birthday Boy!

Today my little one, the terror of the house, noisy, bossy, pushy, Mr. Happy, tail whirling, always laughing, never stopping, always willing, smarter than a whip, funny, sweet, beautiful, big hearted Bode turns two years old.

I have to admit that if he'd been my first Cardigan I never would have gotten a second one, luckily he was second, so there won't be a third.  He keeps Dandy on his toes and sometimes tortures him unmercifully, until Dandy climbs in my lap for safety. He sticks his nose into every tree and bush and invariably comes home with every tick in the forest, gazing at me sweetly from the back seat with several crawling around on his nose, blech.  He's also the one to come up and lean in for a scratch and he loves to sleep at my feet and under my bed at night.

He's quite a handful but we like him.

Usually...

Peace

Food and Future

I love to cook.

I love to cook for people who like to eat.  Which pretty much means I love to cook for men, bless them.

This week is was Chicken Soup, Chicken Piccata, Roasted Asparagus with Balsamic Browned Butter and Broiled Pineapple with Whiskey Caramel Sauce.

Oh man, what fun.  The soup takes a long time and is worth it, but the others were pretty fast and very yummy.  This time of year I start craving things with vitamin C, lemons, oranges, clementines and tangerines, pineapple, and more lemon just for fun.

Luckily I have darlings who are willing to let me experiment on them and so far have had no great disasters, which makes me more brave and willing to try new stuff.

It's another gorgeous sunny day.

Unfortunately a lot of my friends are still digging out from our last snow and many still don't have power, the heavy wet snow brought down more trees and power poles.  I take time to think about them and also the people of Christchurch, NZ who have been devastated by an earthquake. These disasters have turned my thoughts to my future.  I am feeling a need to become involved and may revive my medical skills so I can become involved with disaster response.  It feels right...we shall see.

Peace

Heavy Weather

It's coming and it makes my head hurt, dark, gloomy, wet right now should turn to snow later.

I'm gonna take a nap and think about making some good food later.

I heard this CD today and had to buy it.  Great music, makes you want to move.  I was almost dancing through the store.

Angelique Kidjo featuring Joss Stone.

Peace

It's a start anyway...

To get me out of my mini crisis of confidence and start writing again...

But, what a mess.  Late night (or early morning) ramblings are sort of like the great ideas we used to have when we were, ah, chemically impaired, they didn't make sense the next day.  However, there was some value in the post, especially the thoughts about trusting.

Trust -  It's one of the things I've been working on the most, trying to learn to trust not only the world but most importantly, myself.  And I did start from practically zero but that's changing everyday.

It seems to me that trust is tied in pretty closely with control.  Not trusting means you can't allow anyone else to take over, which becomes so incredibly exhausting.  It makes you a hard person to live with, controlling, suspicious, exacting and not exactly warm and fuzzy.  So, as I've said before, I've been working hard on giving up control and in the process have seen my ability to trust improve.  Feels good too.

Things that I couldn't control:
Airplanes - I practically quit flying, which is sad and silly and kept me from many great adventures.  Enough of that, when I want to go I go, let the pilots worry about it, after all, he or she doesn't want to die either.  I still hate cramming my long legs into dinky seats but whatever, let's go!

Weather - Yeah, sometimes it's dangerous to drive in the wet or icy stuff, but I also trust my vehicle and my ability to drive.  Though I still look out for everyone else, that's not lack of trust, it's defensive driving.

People - This is a big one. Not trusting means you block yourself from some amazing relationships.  I still whine to myself that I should never have trusted that person, look how much he or she hurt me, phooey.  If I line up the hurts side by side with the joy and the laughter and the loving and the hope it's not even worth mentioning, so I let it go. All these interesting people in my life make me feel alive.

Myself - This is the ultimate.  I've got the skills, the knowledge, the background, the mind and the heart to make good decisions about who and what to trust.  It's time to use them, to trust them, to let go of stupid control and just enjoy the days, hours and minutes I've got left.  I can do it.

Recently I've been having a crisis of trust with someone I think is going to become very important in my life.  It was making me crazy.  So over a nice bottle of  Brut Rosado I decided to let it go and try some trust.  It changed my whole view, made the possibilities open up and gave me back myself.  As he says, relax and enjoy the process, it's easy.

I should get it tattoed on my arm, right next to the happy face...

Peace to you and yours from me and mine.

Miss me?

Yes, and I miss you too!  Sometimes you've got to give yourself permission to rest, to draw in and find the place inside you that needs to be restored and listen to it complain for a while.

Sometimes, it becomes necessary to quit listening to yourself to survive. I get so wrapped up in the day to day necessities, things that have to be done, people that need attention, animals who have to be walked, paperwork and deadlines and all that shit.  And then I'm surprised when I've got nothing to say.  I think I started a dozen different posts and none of them were worth finishing.  So I stopped...and said I wouldn't write more for a whole week.  And everyday I stopped in and looked around, touched the letters and stroked the words and wished very hard that they would consent to go back to work for me soon.  Because I love them...

So here I am.  Those of you who really know me know that most of what I think gets said pretty quickly, it's all out there, sometimes it's thoughtful, sometimes it's hasty and stupid and hurtful.  Which is the last thing I want to do, ever.  There's that Christian thing about the meek inheriting the earth and so on.  For me it's more like what you don't do, if you're smart and have anything of substance in your soul. You don't spread hate and fear and pain but the exact opposite, knowing how badly you needed someone to help you.

Those who love have felt unloved.
Those who know how to cherish have felt the pain of abandonment.
Those who seek to soothe pain have experienced deep hurt.
Those who laugh have lived without joy.
Those who listen with understanding have been ignored and rejected.
Those who care have been forgotten.
Those who do right have been mistreated greatly.

My point is we make the choice to create a better life for ourselves and for others.  Sometimes we forget that first we have to take care of ourselves. I've been talking a lot lately about listening to the inner voices.  We each have one or more of those that we need to re-connect with.

There is one voice I cannot come to grips with. Trust. I can say with almost complete certainty that I don't trust anyone.  It's one of those strange things that you can't find a person you can trust because you have to trust them to find them.  You have to put trust out there and see if it gets stomped on and chewed up.

I'll start again with Trust, it's too late now and my brain is scrambled.  If this doesn't make any damn sense tomorrow morning I'll delete it and start again.

Snow is coming.  I've got a new snow shovel, enough supplies to make chocolate chip cookes, asparagus with browned butter and maybe some Chicken Piccata (which I've never made but Cooking Light says I can).  And chicken soup, need that too.

Love you!
Peace

Break time...

Life is good and moves along but right now I need a short break and some private time.  Think of me on vacation or having some plastic surgery or being abducted by pirates or just being a bit burned out.

Look for me again next Sunday.

Here's a good quote:

 “To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the making of bread.”

Peace

Winter Continues...

Look!  Snow!

Just enough to be exciting...

Peace

Moving on...

Life is good in Suzanne Land!  The Holbrooke was lots of fun last night, even if a big group of people insisted on standing in our dance space.  So we danced around them!

Snow last night, snow today, mostly slushy crap at this altitude.

Everything happens for a reason.  In retrospect it's good when my heart starts throwing the good china, smash some stuff up and start fresh.  I always have to remember to check in with my self worth, that little place down deep inside that stays pretty quiet.  It doesn't say much either way, either suffers in silence, starts to go gray and cold and eventually takes the rest of me with it.  On the other hand, if I'm paying attention and doing the right thing, that place becomes warm and bright and fuels my life with good things, makes everything MORE.

Peace to you and yours from me and mine.

Focus...

When in doubt, shoot.  I needed some extreme focus combined with a splash of violence so I went to The Range and shot lots of holes in blue targets.

Last time I went I bought a nice pair of ear protectors that have electronic voice assist and also have a plug in for my Ipod, how cool is that?  So I cranked up the music (Steve Earle) and spent a very happy hour trying to be better.  The self defense pistol is light, draws hard and long and has a short barrel so it's the most challenging to be accurate with.  It's not impossible but it is challenging.  The big .357 Magnum makes you feel like a bad ass and shoots easily and accurately.

For some reason I feel much better, what's with that?

It's all good.  I only think I'm in control.  Which makes me do stupid things. But in my own defense I think I get most frustrated when I feel undervalued.  That's when my heart starts to hurt, takes over, shuts down my brain and starts throwing the good china.

Music tonight at the Holbrooke, yeah!  I need it.  See you there huh?

Peace

Grab it before it's gone...Part Two

Seems that it's easy to say you want to make time for your lover, that this time your relationship is more important than the day to day things.  However, it's harder to actually do, or you forgot what you wrote in the beginning, or maybe you don't really care that much.

I don't know.  It doesn't really matter.  What matters is that my willingness to be a lesser part of anyone's life is limited. The hard part is knowing how good that relationship could have been and letting it go.  To let go of a dream and to allow a passion to cool.

So today my mood will match the weather.  I'll start up the fireplace, curl up with a blanket, drink some coffee and feel as grey and cold on the inside as it is on the outside. There's rain dripping down my windows and it seems to be inside too.

Tomorrow I'll shake it off and start again.  Today is for grieving..

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

WINTER is back.  It's wet and coolish and there is some snow expected this week.  Several inches of snow for my elevation, 5 to 10 above 2500 feet and up to four feet above 7000 feet, woot!  More snow means more water in the spring to fill up the reservoirs, excellent.  I may have to take the boys up for some snow play soon.  You haven't laughed hard until you've seen the little bulldozers plowing through deep snow.

I'm going to retreat into my studio with some hot tea and see if the muse wants to play.  I'd like to get a couple of resin pieces going, finish up the Corvette themed necklace I started...

Back to wet, stinky dogs, luckily I can keep a hose connected outside through the winter and do an underbody spray on them.

Later...

Happy Lovers Day!

What could be bad about a day devoted to flowers, chocolate, champagne and other decadent things?

Oh, I know, missing that perfect person to share them with.  I'm practicing patience, not one of my strong qualities.

I'm thankful for the love I've received from my beloved friends, you bring me joy every day and make my life so much richer knowing you.

I wish you peace.

Hello Crazy City!

The good new is I haven't lost my ability to drive in the big city.  I'm not sure what the bad news is as it was an outstanding weekend all around.  Maybe the bad new is I've gotten a bit cynical so I'm waiting for the bad news to arrive, which it does in direct proportion to how much you've enjoyed yourself and I enjoyed myself in huge amounts on this trip.

Here's the view from my hotel room.  Yeah, that's the skyline of San Francisco.

I was questioning myself on the way home today.  Why did I spend a huge amount to stay in this hotel?  In my old life this would have been something I barely thought about.  In this life it was a lot for me to spend.  Basically it was just fun to go back to that life for a couple of days. It was fun to have a huge staff of very attentive professionals wanting to please me.

This is the Claremont Resort and  Spa in Berkeley.  I took this picture this morning, it was foggy and grey.

It's quite the place.  And it was worth it.

Peace

New Adventure

I'm heading down to Berkeley for a big adventure.

Out of ten today I would say I'm four parts jazzed, two parts apprehensive, two parts curious, one part hopeful and one part scared to death.

I'm going to be staying at a beautiful hotel and resort in Berkeley.  Pictures to follow.

Peace

Friends

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."
- Cicero


Once again I find myself trying to do things the hard way.  I'm damn stubborn.  I'm so lucky that my impulsive attitude hasn't damaged a good thing.  Though I do believe that a friendship that can withstand ups and downs and still endure only becomes richer, stronger and more soul satisfying.


Speaking of friendships - Wednesday night is music night at the Holbrooke.  It was most excellent fun.  I'm just not accustomed to going to bars but I'm learning to pace myself.  The challenge is to have enough fun without risking a serious conversation with the local policia.  So, couple of beers, lots of water and some dancing seems to be a good mix.

Simple things, music, friendship, dancing, a sleepy dog, a heartfelt conversation, a beloved voice, all these make life sweet. 


Peaceful dreams...

Name that Necklace

I've got some good suggestions coming in:

Hearts Afire
Falling Hearts
Pleasure Hearts
In your dreams
Dream on!
Wishful thinking
Blind Screaming Chaos
River of Hope
Chain of Love
Anti-Chastity

Thanks!  The necklace along with the matching earrings is now installed at Art Works Gallery.  Plus about 50 other pieces.  I'm ready to Party!  I put my application in last October and I still can't believe it's happened.  I've got a bottle of sparkling wine and some beer and JD, come on over and help me celebrate!  I'm so happy I could hug myself!

I named the necklace Heart Throb.  Not half as creative as Blind Screaming Chaos and Anti-Chastity but it will do.

Love and Laughter to you!

Art Works Gallery

Tomorrow I move my jewelry into the Art Works Gallery on Mill Street in Grass Valley.  I'm so pleased to be joining this talented group and feel honored that they have selected me.

To celebrate the day and prepare for the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday I've been working on a very special piece.  It still doesn't have a name, though I was thinking of calling it Wild Sex and offering a money back guarantee.  Who the hell says I have to be politically correct?  Phooey...you're no fun.

So if that won't work give me some suggestions please.  It's a stunner, lays delightfully on the chest and drips suggestively into the decolletage.

Laughter is good for the soul.

Gift

I don't know who was in charge of this day but thank you.

Grace

Good morning World!

It's a great day!  I've been enjoying myself too much and not working enough, oops!  Which is totally going to bite me in the A** but oh well, tough.  Life is short, eat dessert first.

I forgot to say how awesome Wednesday nights are at the Historic Holbrooke Hotel in downtown Grass Valley.  It's open mic night, the band allows all sorts of guest artists to participate.  This week we had some fine talented people, one or two damn fine singers, a sax player and other assorted musicians.  I'd be more specific but it's that alcohol thing, one or two leaves me on my feet dancing but not really paying much attention beyond the crush of lovely men and women around me.  I do know that by the end of the night the music was HOT and that I'm looking forward to next week.

And I'm going to keep enjoying myself.  The weather is terrific, the nights clear and starry, the days warm and sunny.

Peace

Grab it before it's gone...

I've crossed the great divide between being a person in a relationship to a person seeking for one.  I feel like there is a secret code that is only revealed to us after we become single.  It's pretty simple really and if everyone actually paid attention to it there would be far fewer splits.  Unfortunately we don't bother until it's too late.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!  What do they need?  Are they getting it?  Can you provide it? Are you listening?  Do you even care?

Over and over I've heard the same thing, "This time I want us to remember that we as a couple are more important than the day-to-day things."  Why is that so hard and why do we only find it important when it's too late?

Nothing is more important than the bond between two people.

Yes, children are important.  Yes, jobs and making a living are important.  But the most important thing is that connection to the person you want to spend your life with.  The person you first chose.  And if you did it right your head didn't choose them, your heart did and it's far wiser.  That bond will carry you through anything that life throws at you, cherish it.

Quote for the Day -

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong

Peace to you and yours from me and mine.

Perfect Day!

We headed down to one of our favorite spots, the Yuba River at Bridgeport for some mental and physical R&R.  It was well worth it, lots of sun, soul satisfying water noise and my two funny companions.  Now you can see why I found it so urgent to get back home and away from mass quantities of snow dumping on my friends East of here.

I love this shot of Bode, well, both of them actually, he's such a merry sort.

And a little video I made so you can hear the roar of the river and hopefully feel the sun on your face.

On the way back I saw these beautiful little masses of tiny plants growing on a rock face. (Make sure to click the photos to see them bigger.)

Outdoor therapy at it's best.  I don't know how I ever lived for 23 years in dreary Minnesota, bitter cold and frozen for months on end.  Oh yeah, the friends and family made up for it with their warmth and bright, sunny smiles.  Which is the thing friends do best, make our days brighter and warmer and worth living.  I'm badly missing many people I love with my whole heart.  Flying into Minneapolis always tugs at my heart.

The rest of the day was filled with mundane tasks.  I am trying madly to get things in order so I can disappear into my studio for a few days.  My muse hates messes and won't put up with my mind half attentive so first pay the bills, clean the house, unpack the bags, attend to the dogs, buy groceries and for pity's sake make some decent food (brown rice and veges tonight).

Well, time for food, more laundry, rest and a day to look forward to tomorrow.

Peace - fragile, hard won, easily lost, forever a hope in our heart of hearts.

Home!

Well, it took me 17 hours from the time I left my hotel in North Carolina to my arrival to my Treehouse but I did stand on my deck this morning, cold feet and hot coffee and two sweet, sweet furry boys cavorting around my feet.

The whole trip was this incredibly urgent and pressured adventure, trying to find a way out of there before a huge storm hit today.  A delayed plane made the Washington DC route impossible but I managed to find a fare to Detroit.  I barely made the connection there but once that was done it was all good.  I've never landed on a snowy runway before, seeing 20 snowplows lined up with lights flashing at the Minneapolis airport is quite impressive.  The rest of the flight to Sacramento was fine. I will admit that baggage claim was not as welcoming as a previous trip and the drive home used the last of my mental reserves.

This morning we are headed to the River.  I need some water to wash the travel fog from my brain and body.

Peace to you.