Thursday, February 24, 2011

Miss me?

Yes, and I miss you too!  Sometimes you've got to give yourself permission to rest, to draw in and find the place inside you that needs to be restored and listen to it complain for a while.

Sometimes, it becomes necessary to quit listening to yourself to survive. I get so wrapped up in the day to day necessities, things that have to be done, people that need attention, animals who have to be walked, paperwork and deadlines and all that shit.  And then I'm surprised when I've got nothing to say.  I think I started a dozen different posts and none of them were worth finishing.  So I stopped...and said I wouldn't write more for a whole week.  And everyday I stopped in and looked around, touched the letters and stroked the words and wished very hard that they would consent to go back to work for me soon.  Because I love them...

So here I am.  Those of you who really know me know that most of what I think gets said pretty quickly, it's all out there, sometimes it's thoughtful, sometimes it's hasty and stupid and hurtful.  Which is the last thing I want to do, ever.  There's that Christian thing about the meek inheriting the earth and so on.  For me it's more like what you don't do, if you're smart and have anything of substance in your soul. You don't spread hate and fear and pain but the exact opposite, knowing how badly you needed someone to help you.

Those who love have felt unloved.
Those who know how to cherish have felt the pain of abandonment.
Those who seek to soothe pain have experienced deep hurt.
Those who laugh have lived without joy.
Those who listen with understanding have been ignored and rejected.
Those who care have been forgotten.
Those who do right have been mistreated greatly.

My point is we make the choice to create a better life for ourselves and for others.  Sometimes we forget that first we have to take care of ourselves. I've been talking a lot lately about listening to the inner voices.  We each have one or more of those that we need to re-connect with.

There is one voice I cannot come to grips with. Trust. I can say with almost complete certainty that I don't trust anyone.  It's one of those strange things that you can't find a person you can trust because you have to trust them to find them.  You have to put trust out there and see if it gets stomped on and chewed up.

I'll start again with Trust, it's too late now and my brain is scrambled.  If this doesn't make any damn sense tomorrow morning I'll delete it and start again.

Snow is coming.  I've got a new snow shovel, enough supplies to make chocolate chip cookes, asparagus with browned butter and maybe some Chicken Piccata (which I've never made but Cooking Light says I can).  And chicken soup, need that too.

Love you!

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