Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Never halfway...

This is a tough one to write as there are many things about it either too personal or presently unresolved but it is having a great effect on my life so it's fair game here.

When I started looking around for a companion, friend, lover, partner in crime and general yin to my yang I had already thought long and hard about what kind of man I required.  Also, I've already met some amazing men and have learned more from them about what attracts me and perhaps more about what I really need.  As usual I brought a lot of past prejudices into the mix, like no golfers because I really felt uncomfortable in the whole country club scene and didn't want to deal with that again.  But then I thought that was maybe a little harsh, who cares if someone golfs as long as I don't have to go? And they do like the outdoors, which is one very important requirement for me.

I never made a list before and of course I never really thought out just what sort of person would be good for me in the long run.  This time I know more about me and I'm much more concerned about forming a partnership that will benefit each of us.

*I want someone who loves the outdoors, really loves the outdoors, needs to be outside in natural settings not to conquer the river or the mountain but to soak up everything it has to offer.
*Facial hair - this one is negotiable but I REALLY like to rub my cheek on a beard.
*Life's work - Not so much what you do but do you like doing it?  Is it your calling? Is it part of your life or does it run your life? There is nothing better for me than to be able to watch a man in his element, confident, passionate, aware, alive - it's quite appealing.
*Strong - I'm not a meek individual and I don't like feeling like I'm running things all the time.  I like men who naturally move in to take charge, those with confidence and self assurance.  These aren't bossy people or obnoxious braggarts but men who see what needs to be done and then they just do it.  I think it comes from someone who actually pays attention enough to know when they can help.
*No motorcycles please - I'm not gonna ride one and the whole leather pants and bandana thing is just too much for me.
*Children and/or animals - Having had or having either of these pretty much guarantees that you aren't a stranger to midnight bouts of intestinal distress, that you know how to soothe the sick and the sad, and loving a teenager or having to take your best friend on their last car ride means you can handle the hard stuff.
***Have time for us and be willing to make us the focus of why we do all the other things.

There are of course many more pretty important things but most of them are negotiable, these are my high points.

So I meet this man who has most of the above as well as an uncanny ability to make me feel very well taken care of in every way.  We have plenty of differences, he likes to tease me about my tendency to be over emotional but he has been working on communicating more.  I've got real concerns that there isn't room in his schedule for me.  And then there is the fact that he lives in the big city and I'm a mountain girl, which really isn't that huge as long as we commit to doing some traveling and truthfully, for a quality relationship I can give up a lot.  He captures my imagination completely, upends my comfortable existence and makes me stupid happy.

Then - communication for three days...doesn't make sense to me either...

So I'm in this strange holding pattern, waiting for the brush-off, thinking maybe this is the brush-off, knowing this isn't what I would have expected from this very reasonable and stable individual, hoping he's not too busy with work to even care, hoping he's not sick, wishing I knew, not wanting to know...

So that's the short version of my life right now...wish I had been abducted by pirates.

Peace to you.

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