Saturday, January 08, 2011

A day to look forward to....

Garlic, bell peppers, onions, jalapenos, cumin, oregano, black beans, mole house smells amazingly good.  I think it's going to taste as good as it smells too.  And if not, f**k it, I'll order some pizza.

The important thing is going to be the company anyway.  I'm so happy to have my friends and family coming to celebrate with me tomorrow.

It's my 54th birthday but that's just the smallest part of the things I want to celebrate.

It's a year of endings and beginnings.  This time last year I was sad and sick in both mind and body.  I had lost my joy and thought it was lost forever.

I remember that I went to a Blues concert that night and sat there and just loved every minute of that music.  I spent the next few months mostly by myself, walking and sitting by the fireplace, dogs in my lap.  I knew that I had to do something to save my life and that it wouldn't be easy.

The whole process was infinitely more painful that I could have ever imagined.  When I finally got back here in late July I began to write about what I was feeling.  It's all written down here.

I'm entering my sixth month of my new life.  Words fail me now.  They cannot begin to describe how incredibly happy I am.  That my life is filled with such a feeling of contentment, of light and loving, of laughter and peace.  I've begun to surround myself with people of such goodness that just knowing I get to see them makes my heart brighter and lighter. They fill that space that yearns for understanding, for compassion and for love.

Sometimes we talk about love, sometimes we talk about football, sometimes we don't talk at all. It's all the same to us, we know that the essential message is the same.  These are not traditional relationships, there is no ownership implied, no ties except for that deep need to connect, to be seen, to be appreciated as a fine human being.

Tomorrow I will stand surrounded by those I love.  I will hear their voices, their words and laughter.  I will see the light in their eyes.  I will feel their hugs and strong hands.  I will know that I am undeniably surrounded by people who love me and whom I love in return.  There is nothing left to ask for, it's enough.

A peaceful night to you.

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