Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Loving, leaving, grieving, forgiveness, loving again...

Or why am I crying because I can't get the picture to hang straight?

Grief is loss, it's losing something or someone.  Think about it, if we get sick we've lost our independence and our sense of wholeness, we may mourn a breast or our ability to experience life as we've known it and we may face losing our own life.  If we experience a death we've lost connection to that person and their love.  If we divorce we've lost our lover, our friend, our confidant, our history, our financial security, and our reason to bitch.

I don't think you can really know someone until you see them grieve.  Oh, you may think you know them, you have lunch and discuss your various friends, husbands and children.  You laugh at their jokes and cheer their successes and secretly find them a bit needy or annoying or full of themselves.  Then one day you get lucky and find yourself with someone experiencing deepest grief.  Lucky?  I don't mean lucky as if you've won front row seats to a real tear jerker, but lucky in that you are privileged to see a person stripped down to their core.  Here you get a chance to see the real person and to test your mettle in the face of their grief.  Can you stand and let it wash over you without flinching?  Or do you run from it?   What if the person grieving is yourself?

I can't write publicly about my own experience because I still love and respect the man I left.  But somewhere along the line I've decided to love myself more and to wade into my grief and let it wash over me.  I'm grieving for so many things, my old life, my friends, my stuff, my flower gardens and so on.  And while it is difficult to start a new life, it's so much better than being in the same town.

I will honor my grief, knowing that at the bottom of that well is forgiveness and if I am able to forgive then I will be able to move on and to love again, perhaps this time with more wisdom and kindness that I did before.  And I will stand with my grieving friends and thank them for honoring me with their true self.


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