Monday, December 27, 2010

Neither winning nor losing...

I consider this blog my personal place to explore.  Sometimes I'm exploring places, water, woods, travel.  Sometimes it's experiences, food and entertainment.  Often it's showing new jewelry pieces and techniques I'm working on.

And lately there's been a lot of personal exploration as I venture out into the world of new friends, perhaps new lovers.  Forgive me if things get a bit raw.  It seems I'm more intense than I thought.

I made a decision to change the way I live.  I now see no difference between what I write and what I say to those close to me.  I'm gradually beginning to merge my imagination with my real life.  In my imaginary life I speak truthfully and with feeling but in my real life I spoke the Dick and Jane version, it sucked.

I'm beginning to see that I need to tell people I love them when I do.  I want to be able to speak the passion that I think, to pull the beauty of my mental images into my daily speech.  I want to look directly at you and tell you that I value you, that you mean something to me, that I love you, that I SEE you and that I can feel the emotions you feel. Sometimes it hurts.

Will it make me eccentric?  Perhaps.  Will it mean I've lived a true life?  Yes.

Some days I'll be hurting and I'll post it here.  And some days I'll be dazzled by the beauty of the places and the people I've been privileged to know.  And some days I'm just going to be confused, because I don't have it figured out, but it's so wonderful to feel really intensely.  And the more I allow myself to feel the greater my abilities to feel are, my ability to sense emotions grows each day.

And now and then I feel like a failure, because in my humanity I am unable to be strong enough not to hurt another person.  If I'm lucky I'm able to ask forgiveness.

It makes every minute beautiful, every emotion valuable, every person important, every sunrise and sunset a gift.

That's peace.


  1. Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.

    - David

  2. David,
    Is it a formatting type of thing? The blog shows up fine on my Droid, sorry.

    I'm glad you like the post, some days I have lots to say.