Food Porn

Tonight I've got Food Porn to show and tomorrow I'll post some jewelry porn.

I've slipped so happily back into my wonderful life and even though I'm stumbling a little, trying to find my equilibrium, I'm lovin' it in a major, huge way.

I'm slowly shedding stress, which I find sort of interesting. One would think that I'd just shake it off and go on but it's easy to stay in stress mode where everything takes on more importance than is strictly necessary. It takes conscious acceptance of grace and thankfulness and peace and those are slippery little buggers, apt to crawl away when you're not looking.

"Stay please,"  I say, and wrap them like the softest of cashmere blankets around my shoulders. If I do it often enough my body relaxes and my brain follows, letting the warmth seep in deeply.

Occasionally I experience something so profound that it can take me days or weeks to process.

Last week I attended "Feasting at the Grinding Stone," a dinner prepared by Sean Sherman, The Sioux Chef from Minneapolis. He specializes in cooking pre-colonization foods of the Native American peoples, no flour, no chicken, beef, or pork and no dairy. It's hard to describe eating a meal composed of ingredients that grow all around us.

This was an incredible experience and not only for the food. Sean Sherman is a Native American and this meal was attended by many members of our local and more distant tribes including the Nisenan from this area. We were welcomed by these peoples in various ways, both in songs and stories. This meal became a blessing and a union, for a short time, of the old and the new. We talked about food and seed culture and the importance of remembering those local food gifts that we rarely think about.

We need this intimate joining with the earth and each other now more than ever. There are lessons to be learned, stories to hear, songs that root us to the dirt and green things that feed, shelter and nuture us.

Peace

Life is definitely a box of chocolates.

Counting down the days, next week I'll get my life back and studio time will become number one again.

I'm doing some work but mostly just trying to keep up. I was making these fringy earrings and of course, headed off into something different.  The usual silver and then a pair with gold filled dangles, love them! Here you see silver polished, silver left matte for a more rustic look and the silver and gold filled.

This last week has been really awfully crazy and not in a good way at all. I left my purse sitting in my car in Sacramento a week ago and in less than 10 minutes it was GONE! I've spent the last week fixing the wreckage, trying to put my life back together, one thing at a time.

I'm sure they grabbed the credit cards and tossed the rest, including the prescription sunglasses and the new wallet my daughter gave me for Christmas. Damn!

Don't do it, don't be casual even for a few minutes. And take all your cards out of your wallet and copy them. I had done that a year or so ago so it was easy to remember the AAA card and the others. I change my purses fairly often so it really didn't have much in there, but the replacement is awful and the sense of having no identity or means to get money is really weird.

So, this weekend I braved the insane Easter crowds at the mall and went to Lenscrafters for an exam and new glasses, hideously expensive but worth it.

There are many great things to look forward to, including a special dinner called "Feasting at the Grinding Stone" an indigenous feast cooked by The Sioux Chef, Sean Sherman. I'm so intrigued by this meal, in which I will be joining some great foodie friends.

My lesson this week is that nothing is over til it's over and that anything approached with love can turn into a good thing.  Life is always an adventure and I'm very glad to be able to live it.

Peace

I'm BACK!

And loud and proud of what and who I am.

I was asked to temper my words by someone I loved with all my heart and so I did, because I did not want to cause him pain.

I grieved my beloved blog and tried to write privately but it just didn't seem the same. Here I feel like I'm having a conversation and even though I'm not an exhibitionist I found it nearly impossible to write for a very limited (but loyal) audience.

I blew it.  I followed my heart while the alarm bells rang at DefCon One, ignoring those warning bells, wanting so much the fantasy that the reality just escaped me.

You can't make someone love you. What is in their heart is not the same thing that's in yours. You can't make them faithful.  You can't make them honest. You can't make them be the warrior your heart seeks.

And I suffered and suffered and finally experienced enough betrayal that the light broke through and I stepped free.

And now I'm free and will work really hard to rebuild my confidence in myself.

And no doubt I'll screw up again but I'm actually okay with that. I've chosen to live my life with an open heart, in a childlike simplicity of loving and laughing and giving.

And one day there will be a person who deserves that and celebrates it and me.

Peace

Ten weeks and counting...

I'll raise my hand and admit to being a wimp.  Mornings are just not my thing. I'm slogging through these weeks like a zombie and making a vow here and now, not again.

DO NOT DO IT!  I'll need to remember this next year if they ask me back, no no no. It would be different if I wasn't alone but trying to keep all these parts moving is really exhausting. Does my body hurt because I'm so tired or am I so tired because my body hurts?

Who knows, but I think it's okay admitting that in two years I'll be sixty and maybe, just maybe, I can't do everything.

Damn and blast, really?

Only ten more weeks, socking money away in hopes of putting in a hot tub, it's a good goal.

Of course, I probably don't need to spend the 45 minutes I have in between jobs filling my yard waste container, do I?  But I did, filled it up and then took advantage of the sunny day today to fill it again, just in case it's raining next time.

I forgot how beautiful my gardens were in Minnesota. I used to sit in the hot tub in the morning, after everyone left, drink coffee and watch the birds, it was heavenly.

We don't have that many iris out here, they love water and damp, rich soil, both in short supply out here. I'm consciously avoiding planting anything new, hoping I can continue to water my flowering dogwoods if our drought continues. It seems a selfish thing to water plants when there are those who have failing wells. I've also thought about putting in cisterns but finding the space for them on my relatively small lot is daunting.

Oh well, time for sleep.

Peace

Cruising through January...

Two weeks into my crazy odyssey of jobs and I think I've lost my mind.  Why did I think I could do all of this?

But I can, it's just an adjustment and it's much better for me not to have time to have the blues. This way I'm running on full speed and keeping up nicely so far.

The new job is much harder than I ever thought it could be.  The level of detail is extreme. I still get frustrated after a year at my plumbing job but they're happy with me so it's good.

My birthday weekend was lovely, heartfelt and filled with friends and family and him. Our reunion was incredible and sort of astonishing. I imagined some awkward moments, after all it had been almost two months, but there were none. I'm reminded that true friends don't notice the days or weeks or months between meetings, they just keep going like there was no break. Well, it was like that, so sweet and loving and full of laughing and happy I'm still smiling.

We did lots of talking and even when it was time to part we begged for just 15 more minutes.

It just seems different and it's good and that's enough.

Peace

January blues...

I've ripped apart my living room, gave away my couch, roamed an hour away to bring home a new recliner, moved furniture, cleaned both refrigerators, scrubbed and polished and dusted and raked and swept and found a home for an old bed cluttering up the garage.

I start a new job tomorrow, tax time help for my accountant. That plus my other part time job, the gallery and my jewelry business, four jobs.

And still I'm excruciatingly lonely, bouncing around my empty house, talking to my furry friends, putting things away, cleaning some more, wishing, wishing, wishing that I had some company.

I need a hug.

When I trained to be a CASA we talked quite a bit about the loss of one's home and the effect it has on a child.  I realized that I lost my home this time of year when I was in high school. I was sent to live with my Dad at Christmas and didn't even get to say good-bye to my friends. In retrospect it was a very positive move for me but it did have a great impact on my life. I feel once again the loss of my home every year about this time. Knowing that it's connected helps intellectually but not emotionally, the pain is still there.

I know it will pass and keeping busy is one way I've learned to deal with it. I need more physical exercise which is difficult lately, hip issues are increasing and likely will result in a hip replacement this year.

I'm lucky to have great friends who tease me and make me smile and laugh.

It's all good.

Peace

First Day!

It's a bright and shiny New Year and I love it!

I really don't like having two blogs as I'd like to keep one place for everything.  The only solution I can see is to copy anything halfway personal, thoughtful or interesting from the website blog to this one.  That makes my heart happier.  Don't you love it when the right thing comes about and makes your day all bright and shiny?

There will be more added to most of these posts, watch me jump around between public and private, crazy time but what's new?

This time of year I find that I don't have a lot of energy for my studio but I'm still in there, mostly cleaning up the carnage from the last month or so.

There is planning going on too, an order list growing way too quickly and some new things percolating. We have a new jeweler in the Gallery and that always inspires me to push myself a little bit more.

I want to make big chunky silver rings, with fine pieces of turquoise.  I bought a beautiful ring for my daughter for Christmas from Durango Silver. All of their jewelry specifies where the turquoise came from and the name of the artist who made the piece. That's the way jewelry is supposed to be made, with fine materials and acknowledgment of the maker.

Whether they actually come to fruition I have not a clue. I realize that this time of year we're supposed to rest, bundle up and drink some tea and dream a little bit.

Do you have a particular time of year that you rest? A time you don't feel like creating? Or maybe you do but there isn't any mojo left after the holidays? I certainly don't have much left.

This time of year I tend to spend more time alone. The weather has been coolish...let's be reasonable, 30's and 40's is only coolish to the rest of the country...so I don't get out as much. I think I used to love shoveling snow because it gave me something to do outside.  Now I rake leaves, fill up the yard waste container, putter around the yard and still get really cold.  Of course, I'm out there with a sweatshirt on, light gloves and no hat, figures.

I've been wearing my big new sheepskin coat when I go out, it's freaking heavenly and I'm so glad I splurged and bought it for myself.

I both relish and dislike my solitary hours, which would typically be filled with studio time but I'm not ready to pick up my pliers right now.

So, I'm restoring and thinking about spring and the things I hope to accomplish this year, personally, professionally and spiritually.

I'm looking at a hip replacement and disappointed with my body that it's failing me so early. However, maybe I failed it? But from what I hear it's a good thing, the recovery is fairly long but you get your life back with no pain.  I'm very freaking tired of having difficulty tying my shoe, limited mobility is sucky.

Peaceful dreams my friends.

Drawing to a close...

This year is rapidly slipping away.

I love this time of year, the calendar is used up and shabby, the pages dog eared and scribbled upon.

The Holidays are almost done, just the last hoopla of New Years to see and then it's time to curl up and winter in, wrapped in fuzzy blankets, steaming tea at hand, slumbering critters, frost tapping on the windows.

The trees are stark and their bark is gratefully dark from our steady rains, leaves mashed in heaps at their feet, colors have fled, they rest.

Barely concealed are the promises of spring, the dogwood blossoms are tiny green pods, sheltering the abundant promise to come.

Here, in this relatively temperate climate the camellias are splashing their delicate colors on the hedges and the rhododendrons are busy building their lavish displays. It seems so strange to see these signs and to know that they will be safe even through a snow or two, bitter cold not usually present here.

And yet, I shiver in my ski jacket, scarf wrapped around my neck, gloves tucked into my purse and pockets, cold feet well socked and slippered. The insanely heavy sheepskin will come out soon, to wrap me in it's blissful softness and memories.

I've been locked in high gear for weeks and weeks, driving myself to do more, make more, be more. All with relative success, even burdened with a shading of grief at the loss of my companion, tears coursing down my face at strange times, yearning.

I continue to create, to laugh with joyful abandon at the antics of my furry friends. I finish it all and drive 3000 miles in 13 days to the smiles and hugs and heartfelt bliss of my family.

The miles of road, the endless mountains, the sky, all remind me how fragile we are, how little it matters, that only today, only the light in their eyes and the warmth of loving really matters. It's enough. I am enough.

The road to home, sheltering me now, here I expand my light to fill the dark corners, peaceful and safe, loving it all.

Peace to you and yours this winter's night.

Southwestern Roaming

Another one of my wandering drives across the Southwest to my babies in Texas.

 Visiting my dear Aunt in the Phoenix area, marveling at the Superstition mountains.

 And the cool cactus growing in her backyard. These little spots that looks so soft are definitely not!

Citrus growing happily, glowing in the rain.

Then I motored a back way to El Paso, through Pima, Arizona which was so surprising. I knew what Pima cotton was but not that it's an American grown product, how cool is that?

Now happily surrounded by family, children and my grandbaby, I'm a happy woman.

Peace

Moon to Moon

You kissed me beneath the harvest moon. Your breath pressed close to me, brushing my face with your beard, crushing me to you, nothing between us but desire.

Sated from a feast and hours of loving and preparing to feast yet again from our private table.

Never enough, sweet sleepless nights blending one into the other, a sacred joining like no other, consecrated in water, sunshine, dark nights, moon and stars, fire and molten metal, burning brightly, never dimming.

Tonight the great winter moon shines above me and I mourn you, torn apart by love, forever yearning, moon after moon, standing there apart but together, a sacred joining.

Always shining for you,
beckoning,
peaceful,
knowing,
smiling.

Zippedy Do Dah..

Things have been so much fun lately, well, maybe except for coming back from Texas sick (again), what's with that anyway?

It's baby germs, jeez, they should parachute the little darlings into enemy lines and before you know it the whole country would be coughing and puking and unable to even get out of bed.  So, maybe that's not a great idea but the little cherubs have germ warfare down to a science.

I don't mind that much, it's probably good for my immune system and the cuddles and kisses are not to be missed.

I came home to the last glorious gasp of color from my flowering dogwoods. They're popular around here, many cars have stopped, many people with cameras have spent some time capturing that gorgeous color.

My adventurous friend and I attended another of our favorite events, a Polly's Paladar dinner. I was a little anxious considering the state of my stomach but found the rich flavors warmed me from the inside out, gently and without pain. I could eat like this all the time.

I haven't taken a jewelry techniques class in at least five years, maybe six. I teach here and there but have been missing that chance to immerse myself in new things and to push myself into techniques that I have tried but not mastered.

I'm halfway through a class at The Curious Forge, taught by Karen Olsen Ramsey, who is truly a master at what she does. Her teaching is a reflection of her spirit, delightful, kind, positive, calm and encouraging in such a way that all of us are gaining in confidence no matter our skill level.

I'm waking in the middle of the night dreaming of the things I can do with these extra skills in my toolbox, it's heavenly.

My sense of history and reflection comes on strong in this season. I think of my family, friends and lovers and find easy joy in thinking of how they've carved lines in my life and silvered my hair. They say that at 20 you have the face you were born with but at 50 you have the face you deserve. I cherish my laugh lines and those silvery strands as outward symbols of a joyful and loving life.

I am blessed.

Til the End of Time

Always and forever

Sky Eyes

I'm loving every minute of this...

Pretty baby!

Peace

Summer Recap

The summer of 2014 is over...

The star gazing couch is tucked away. This magical place on the deck has continued to delight me and those that visit me. There were so many touching and wonderful meetings there, drinks, laughter, peace, blissful star watching, can't wait until next May when we start again.

 Traveling and fun galore. Texas in May was a delightful mix of exploring, including a visit to the Carlsbad caverns and lots of baby time.

Since then they've moved into their own house, no more apartment, yay!

And then at the end of June our lives were rocked when my Dad had a stroke and we wondered if he'd ever be able to come home? He became even more my hero when he showed his warrior grit, climbing to his feet by sheer force of will, not once giving up or despairing but regaining his mobility faster than we ever thought possible.

When I look at him I see the warrior unbroken and unbowed, rising to his feet, shaking off his foes, slaying the ravening wolves of illness and age.  I know where my own warrior's heart comes from and what it's capable of. We choose dignity, we choose our own path, we shelter those around us and gain energy and joy from their love. I'm so lucky to have this man in my life.

Six weeks later we gathered to celebrate his 88th birthday and feted him in fine style, great food, tears of gratitude and happiness, tears of laughter when he started telling stories and others followed. It was a Grand celebration made even more special because my Son was here.

Grant at Scott's Flat Lake.

In early August my daughter and her guy got engaged in one of the most beautiful places in our lives, the cabin in Northern Wisconsin where we had so many great adventures.

The entire summer was magical, fine food and adventures with a fine companion. Polly's Paladar dinners and the Farm to Table dinner in Nevada City.

Scott's Flat Lake, Lake Tahoe, Fuller Lake and of course the Yuba river, not enough time but each one magical, cold water, warm hearts.

The magical Mini who named himself Hank moved from my Dad's house to mine and we quickly went off on an adventure to San Diego.

Then the Open Studio Tour and soon off to Texas for some baby time.

Some blessed rain has fallen, bringing soft sweet smells mingled with the wood fires already burning. I'm happily raking leaves and nestling into my blankets at night.

Finishing this entry from west Texas, delighting in time spent with my family.  Fall is in full swing and life is good.

Farewell summer, may the next one be every bit as magical.

Peace

Busy Bee...

Oh yeah, remind me not to schedule a trip right after the Open Studio Tour.

Didn't make it, got sick, felt horrible, rescheduled the much anticipated Texas trip.

I cried and then realized that I needed some time to rest. So I rested, or I performed my version of resting which mostly means doing all the stuff that I couldn't do in the last few weeks.

The little background buzz of stress is gone.

The rains have started (hopefully they will continue strong) and the deck cushions are stored and the furniture is well covered.  Both vehicles, the FJ beast and the sweet Mini are both washed and waxed and scrubbed and they nestle nicely in the garage underneath the boats stored high in the rafters.

I started cooking soups and stews and made my first apple pie.

I got to a Ray LaMontagne concert and was totally mesmerized by his sexy sweet voice and his unusual and appealing musical arrangements.

Life is incredibly good and I'll be chasing my Georgia Belle next week.

Peace

Warmly successful...

The two big weekends of the Open Studio Tour are done and in my rear view mirror.

Quite often people ask me how I could possibly open my home to strangers and feel comfortable.

Sometimes before the tour I have a few misgivings but once it's begun and all those lovely people start to come smiling through my front door it's all good.

They say that strangers are just friends that you haven't met yet.  I would say from experience that it's so true.

These two weekends were filled with warm hearts, friendly smiles, child like delight and new friends in the making.  And a charming grateful feeling came from all, that I invited them into my home.

So the feelings of exhaustion and stress are more than balanced with all those wonderful feelings and I'm left tired but so happy and recharged to continue to create.

Thank you for coming to see me. Thank you for allowing me to share my personal space. Thank you for slipping so carefully and sweetly into my life for a brief moment. Thank you for lighting up my heart with so much love and kindness. Please stay in touch.

Don't be a stranger, ya hear now?

Peace

Open Studios 2014

It's that time again!

Second weekend coming up. I'm slashing and burning through older inventory.  I'll be concentrating more on fine silver and enamel works.

Come see me!

Peace

Capturing Fall

A new series...

Catch up...

I hope I live to see a free Scotland, but not this time, drat. The young folk voted for it, the old against, which is reasonable but sad.

The King fire (as well as 8 or 10 others) continues to rage in California. This one has the potential to reach Tahoe. On my way to San Diego this week I saw convoys of fire trucks heading to help, blessings of thanks and safety go with them as they battle the beast.

I made a quick and hard trip to San Diego for a brief respite, driving allows me to reboot my brain Being immersed in vast quantities of people reminds me I live in a magical place and now I'm ready to jump into my studio for a few weeks. The Open Studios Tour is the first two weekends in October, gotta be ready.

I have a new vehicle, my Dad's older Mini. Driving to San Diego was a good bonding experience, it's a sweet car and we had lots of fun. He says his name is Hank. I took him to see the ocean and some sights in downtown.

Hank wanted to try to fly off the deck of the USS Midway. We had to be content to check out the Captain's deck.

And now, feeling so blessed to be home in my mountain foothill nest, it's time to tend to the boys and catch up a little.

Peace

My son

My boy was here for almost a week. We wallowed in family, parties and simple meals, just being together in quiet ways and always listening to music.

I told him, now that he's mostly a grown-up, that his job is to make sure his Mom knows and listens to current music, not just things I first heard in the 70's.

He does a great job of that, often overloading my brain with this new band and "listen to this one Mom".  I love it.

We celebrated my Dad's 88th in fine style, 14 of us on my deck, eating, laughing, telling stories.

And now back to regular programming, dogs, metal, work, household, ack!

Peace