Monday, January 05, 2015

January blues...

I've ripped apart my living room, gave away my couch, roamed an hour away to bring home a new recliner, moved furniture, cleaned both refrigerators, scrubbed and polished and dusted and raked and swept and found a home for an old bed cluttering up the garage.

I start a new job tomorrow, tax time help for my accountant. That plus my other part time job, the gallery and my jewelry business, four jobs.

And still I'm excruciatingly lonely, bouncing around my empty house, talking to my furry friends, putting things away, cleaning some more, wishing, wishing, wishing that I had some company.

I need a hug.

When I trained to be a CASA we talked quite a bit about the loss of one's home and the effect it has on a child.  I realized that I lost my home this time of year when I was in high school. I was sent to live with my Dad at Christmas and didn't even get to say good-bye to my friends. In retrospect it was a very positive move for me but it did have a great impact on my life. I feel once again the loss of my home every year about this time. Knowing that it's connected helps intellectually but not emotionally, the pain is still there.

I know it will pass and keeping busy is one way I've learned to deal with it. I need more physical exercise which is difficult lately, hip issues are increasing and likely will result in a hip replacement this year.

I'm lucky to have great friends who tease me and make me smile and laugh.

It's all good.



  1. Huh. Never thought about there being emotional bases for the winter blues. I always just thought it was the lack of sunlight. I, too, lost my home at Christmas, when I was 19. No saying goodbye, no nothing. Odd how lives of people who have never met IRL can be similar in such way, eh?
    Hope you find enough things to inspire you and pull you out of your funk. Can't help with the boyfriend, though. :<)

  2. Susan,

    Really, it sort of smacked me upside the head when I was in CASA training. Our home and family, no matter how bad, is our touchstone. Losing it has a big impact on us, probably forever, but it does help to know.

    I'm crawling my way through the first week of work, my brain cells are sizzling.

    Otherwise, it's mostly sunny and 64, can't beat that. I've got the doors all open to air out the house, nap next, ha!