Friday, March 23, 2012

Mental house cleaning...

I woke up this morning (after a shower and coffee) feeling fresh faced and new.  It's a grand and glorious feeling.

I got to do a post mortem on a liaison I've been involved in.  At one time I would have called it a relationship but evidently that wasn't true.  It was fun, frisky, a little bit bad and occasionally loving but it's over.  I feel good about getting a chance to really talk about how each of us felt, turns out I've got lots to learn about communication and being sensitive to feelings.

Everyone talks about getting through the walls we've built up and how difficult that is, unfortunately, that's so true.  It's a vicious circle of protecting yourself until you can no longer relate to another's feelings.  In my case it's being cavalier about other people, sort of a preemptive strike against anyone who could hurt me.

Holding others at arms length and warning them that they are expendable eventually erodes the connection between us.  But here's the not so funny part, in the meantime I get attached and then the break-up occurs and once again I'm scorched by the flames.  Yeah, ouch.

I accept that I've got things to work on.
I accept that it's worth the effort to get to know these amazing people.
I accept the good and the bad, the hurtful and the loving.
I accept that I can be a better person, that sometimes I'm all too human.

I will continue to live with strength and honor.
I will not accept less than that in the people I allow into my heart.
I will continue to look to the skies for an Eagle, avoiding the snakes and the jackals under my feet.

I will, I can.

and if not peace

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