What a trip so far, 1450 miles in two days.
I LOVE road trips. It's been so long and truthfully, I almost canceled the trip the night before. I was afraid. I haven't done this type of driving for three years, alone and on my own, and I was doubting that I could still do it.
Fuck it, I can and I love it. Sometimes I listen too much to people. Yes, I know they have legitimate concerns, things can happen, but so what. I love it when people say, "You'll have a blast, but be safe." That's enough of a reminder.
I needed this trip to happen. I needed to remind myself of my competence and independence. I also needed the vast amount of time to work through some things in my head.
I was caught in an emotional whirlpool, going around and around, getting more angry and more filled with contempt and hatred. My heart hurt.
It actually took 1350 miles before it all came together. This song started to play and there was a huge thunderstorm complete with great flashes of lightning and driving rain.
The Zac Brown Band - Quiet Your Mind (Sorry the good Youtube was pulled.)
Do I want my story to be filled with anger, contempt, hatred and regret? No, I don't. I knew those emotions would be damaging to me in the long run but I wasn't sure how to push them away. I'm not entirely successful yet but I can take a deep breath and see the right path to follow.
I have to let go of a lot. There are dreams and hopes and longings that I have to just let go, let them fly off on their own. To hold on to them keeps me from opening up to new dreams and new hopes, they actually clog up the intake valves.
I can throw open the doors and invite new things to come in.
Peaceful mind, peaceful dreams and a grateful heart.