Four years!

Salud!

Living is great!

Today is four years since my divorce was final. I'd been here in Grass Valley for just three days, exhausted, worn out yet excited to start a new life. I'm so glad I took that step into the huge unknown. It's not been easy but it is rewarding in so many ways.

I think the first two or even three years I was just wandering around in a fog. Slowly things have condensed and expanded, some things I can refine down to diamond bright, at the same time opening my heart to the big universe to join the flow of the unknown.

Peace

I wonder...

...too, where the hell have I been?

This time of year is glorious for me. My gloomy late winter mood lifts and then expands wildly into the sky like fireworks.

I feel like a butterfly bursting from a cocoon,
I am the roses so big and fragrant way out on the ends of the thorny vines begging for their fragrance to be inhaled,
I am the plum tree limbs weighted down with sweet tart green globes of goodness,

I am the giant handfuls of basil that trail their scent as I walk through the farmers market,
I am the sun shining brilliantly on the water of the lake,
I am the incredible music that lifts me into bliss,

I am the birds splashing wildly in the fountain,

but not just frenetic energy,

I am the soft evening air that flows through my open window,
I am the cool water on my feet,
I am floating in the middle of the lake, listening,

I am absorbed in designing beautiful things in my head, while lounging on my deck couch,
I am looking at my Dad and Mom and so thankful to be able to do so,
I am sweetly held in the arms of a lover,
I am continuously thankful for the space I occupy, that place that belongs to me, to share with others, to surround my heart in peace and love and open my mental arms wide to the taking in and the spreading out.

And I am the mundane and the painful, trying to slow down to let my bruised and torn muscles heal, grieving the loss of a friend, missing my far away family, making plans to see them soon, cooking and arranging and happily playing in my studio.

It's all good, maybe a lot of work too, but worth it, always.

Peace

Fair winds and following seas...

Our arts community lost someone very dear to us today.

Fred Hodgson went on ahead much too early.

This wonderful, complicated man, clever, wickedly witty, loving, insightful, kind...he always had a smile and a ready laugh. He was generous with his talents and kept us on track when we wandered.

His partner of 30 years, Brad Carter, is left to grieve him, they were such a great couple.  They accomplished so many beautiful things and gave generously of their time to support local charities.

I'm gonna miss him and think of him and remember how short life can be.

I'll see you again my friend...but not yet.

Peace

Fringe Earrings

I took a bunch of parts to the Gallery the other day.  These fringe earrings are so pretty and hard to keep in stock.

Cut up a bunch of little sterling sticks, pound the hell out of them. Make a bunch of nice round circles, fuse and hammer them.

Curl the ends so they attach to the circles.  But wait, it's not that easy.  Then you have to tweak each one so the little fringey things hang just right.

And then you file each end so it's nice and rounded. Add some ear wires.

Then you polish them in the tumbler and put them back up on the website for sale,

YAY!

Here's the two different versions -

Peace

Rocked

My Dad had a stroke.  He's been the rock my sister and I have swirled around all these years, always steady and sturdy, always there for counsel and to dispense good advice.  Of course, we don't always listen to him, what child does?

His incredible strength of will kicked in and he's actually home and motoring around pretty darn well. This is when you find out who your friends really are. I'm so grateful for the kindness and warmth I received last week.

Yesterday we went on an adventure, driving way up Highway 20 and down another six miles to the little hamlet of Washington, then three miles more out into the woods, following the South Yuba to a beautiful pool to water so clear and so cool and so clean it's just unbelieveable. We floated around, drank up the peace, watched a water snake poking along the edge and then drove back to the Five Mile House for an outside dinner.  I let the water wash the stress away and left feeling still and strong inside.

Peace to you and yours.

Tough guy translations for artists...

Peter Maslow, an artist in New York speaks fluent tough guy. In a recent exchange on Facebook he kindly translated some of our artist statements.

Sheila Cameron - 

Like what am I gonna say? You wanna know something, just ask. I won't bite even if you're wondering if it matches your sofa.

 hey, if yuz fuggin friended me maybe we'z could tawk about it. know wut ah mean? fuck's da colah uh ya sofa n shit - like we'z could work in mauve - wutevah. for a small fee anything's fuggin possible. got it, douche?

And one for me - 

 "Look, it's not my problem that you can buy these same earrings at Target for 10 bucks. Do you think Target can match your jewelry to your concealed carry purse? And no, I do not sell my handmade links so you can put together some jewelry of your own to sell at the local bar."

 fuggin eahs up, asshole. it ain't mah fuggin shit dat yuz cain't bah deez fuggin shit-earins ovah Tahget fer a tennuh. yuz figah Tahget can matchum shits witchyuz concealed pocketed shitz? and no doan fuggin boddah me witchyuz bullshit, i doan sell dis handsmade shitz sos yuz can glom it and gag it ovah yuz shithole local. fuck you think dis is?

Thank you Peter, you made my day!

Peace

Hoops

I'm in the middle of a slight obsession with hoops, namely how to construct them.

I like them big.  I like them shiny.  I like them to fit comfortably in my ears.

The first pair are the all time simple style, bend a length of wire.  However, the biggest wire most women can fit through their ear piercing is about 18 gauge and that's pushing it.  The majority favor 20 gauge and some even need 22 gauge.  (Remember wire get bigger as the number get smaller.)

So the ones on the right are limited in size.  The ones on the left are 12 gauge, which hammers to a really nice, substantial hoop.  I used a piece of 20 gauge to make the attachment.

I probably need to tell you that I don't want to solder on a fitting.  I hate soldering.  I suck at soldering. I go through great lengths to avoid it.  I can solder.  I choose not to.  So these have to work without soldering.

These great big ones are waiting for their engineered wire clasp.  Then they are probably sold already. I'm going to make more than one pair I think.

Back to the studio.

Peace

State of the Mind Address

I think I write more when I'm experiencing mental turmoil.  When things are humming along smoothly I feel like there isn't anything to say. Which can make these pages look like a crazy woman lives here.

Well, that's probably true, no matter what, but it's a good crazy.  Sort of like, yes, it's 105 degrees, but it's a dry heat.

I'd say right now I'm smack dab in the middle of awesome.

The pups are happy if a bit furry, blowing their coats all over the place. Nothing a trip to the groomer can't fix.

The kitty girl is enjoying her California retirement home, catting about the house and yard, sternly giving Bode what for when he gets into her space.  You should see the confusion on his face when she decides she's had enough.

My work is going so well, selling both at the gallery and on the website, plus some great custom work. Yesterday I fired up the kiln and worked on some enamel, which I find quite like meditation, slowly, deliberately building colors, focus on the process only. Don't forget the safety glasses when the door is open, sift the colors, balance the pieces on the trivets, into the heat, out to cool.  There is this incredible point when the enamel is built up just enough, the colors attain their full possibility and the feel of the piece tells you it's done and ready for some refinement and to be wearable. I need to come up with a better color management system. I know there are colors I love down at the bottom of the pile but where are they and how do they actually work with other colors? I do have sample/test pieces but they aren't always on the container.

Being home enriches and sustains me in so many ways. My life here is centered around the outdoors. We spend great amounts of time on the deck, meals at the table, relaxing conversations and cuddles on the couch. It's so good to have this perfect space.

Dreams and goals...which there always are in abundance. But often I live right here in this moment, breathing the pine scented air, feeling the breeze stroke my skin, hearing the hummingbirds twitter and the water fountain splash.

Living is so good, so sweet...opening myself to the possibilities that await, grounding myself in the reality of now, dreaming a tapestry of beautiful things.

Peaceful, grateful, thankful, abundant, loving...

Woman plans and the gods laugh. ..

I've been trying to get home all day. Weather delayed one flight, which delayed another flight,  which made me miss a connection and on and on. I'm in Phoenix, thankful not to be outside in 106 degree heat.  It also looks like I'll be heading out of here in the next hour or so.

I thought I would be home early enough to work on a last minute commission piece that has to be shipped out this week.  Ha ha!  Really?  Dream on.

But, thanks to a couple of my tribe, the boys will still be taken care of and I have a ride when I get there, for which I am very grateful.

Peace

So soon over...

All the planning and traveling gets me to her. 

My busy little Georgia Belle. She makes me laugh and brings such joy to my life. There is never enough time with her but I close my eyes and brush my lips on her hair, blow raspberries on her tummy, rub cream on her soft baby skin.  We bobbed around together at Balmorhea Springs while she squealed at the little fish swimming there. 

We strolled up and down the neighborhood streets, talking to nice neighbors, looking for fragrant flowers to smell and dandelions to pick.

She played dress up in my earrings. 

And climbed things, anything. 

Tomorrow back to Austin for some fun there and soon back to my mountain hideaway.  Then the summer fun will start, bike riding and Sfidare back in the water. 

I'll be sad until I start planning my next trip here though there are more fun things and travel that may get me back sooner than I thought.

Peace

Fun!

Here I am again in Texas, having so much fun. My son took me to a great dive bar, music, whiskey on tap and a taco truck parked on the patio.  I love that shit.

And then we trekked to West Texas for baby time.

I love being a grandmother.  It's the essence of mothering condensed into joy without so many sleepless nights.

Peace

Finding my Joy!

Picture me dancing, 
weaving in and out between big trees, 
stopping briefly to hug them,
feeling the rough bark against my skin,
skipping on lily pads,
waving my arms with the tall grass, 
bending my body in time to the concert of tree frogs and birdsong, 
loving the day,
feeling the light,
from outside,
inside shining out,
filled with joy,
with love,
knowing I'm where I need to be,
the path is crooked,
and sometimes rough,
but it's there,
if I choose to take it.

I'd forgotten that I had a choice to be happy. It's easy to do, mired deep in the mud of someone else's reality. But I'm getting better at remembering that I'm first, that no one is gonna be happy if I'm not clear and content within myself.

I found myself again, after being waylaid for a month. Not that I would do it any differently, because the chance to meet a beautiful soul is never to be passed by. I can't make anyone's choices for them, they will follow their own path. I think the pain is in watching the layers of lies and deceit accumulate like grease, dimming the light. 

Peace

Priorities...

I found this little gem on Facebook the other day and had to save it.

Often something will pique my interest and even if I don't have time to think about it then I save it to think about later.

This has been bobbing around on the surface of my mind, poking me gently, listen, listen, think...

I have.

Things happen for a reason and we only have to open our minds and hearts to those learning experiences, even if we don't know quite what the lesson is.

I'm beginning to think that this means more than saying no to the PTA.

It's a way of living. An honest, kind, pleasant way to choose the right path.

The hard part is to decide what our Highest Priorities really are.

I'm not sure.

But I'm thinking it's best to listen to that big YES inside. Let it out, let it choose my path. That Yes I see as love, the love that fills that big space, the love that grows so big it leaves no room for fear and pain, the love that soothes like cool water and lights me up inside. The love that makes me more, bigger, infinite.

Peace

Online Dating

I've got a real love/hate relationship with online dating.

Unfortunately the men just aren't lining up at my door begging for attention. I'm not exactly a joiner when it comes to clubs and activities where I could potentially meet a mate. Besides, the ones I like probably don't join clubs either. They're out doing things, making things, building things, growing things, just doing. I'm doing things too and often while I skip along on my merry way I wish so much for a person to share this beauty with.

So, there I go, off to the latest online dating site. I've got definite opinions on a few of them but the latest has been the best yet. Putting yourself out there on the net is tougher than you'd think.  You end up doing a lot of soul searching, who am I, what do I want, what exactly do I want?

Being truthful is the most important thing, you can't lie to the universe and hope it brings you the person who will fill your reservoir with cool clear water.

However, there is always a catch, always the too good to be true, always the little thing they hadn't had time to tell you. You find that your big open heart has led you into the lion's den again, there to be ripped into tiny little pieces and spat out on the ground.

What's the answer? The drive to find a loving partner is strong. The wish to not be torn to shreds over and over is strong too. Do I get any wiser along the way? I know that I am unable to guard my heart, that vulnerability is me.

There is something to learn here. I'll keep learning and growing and eventually I'll be ready for whoever the universe sends me.

Peace

Abundance

These are from the spiritual community Ananda. They open their glorious gardens to the public in April.

Click this photo, that tree is filled with wisteria, incredibly.

I've been a sucker for columns all my life. If it's groaning with huge wisteria vines, so much the better.

I sat here and watched the fishes gliding through the water and I could feel the years and years of contemplative peace soak into my soul.

In fact, the entire place is just saturated with deep and thoughtless peace. You can imagine living there, throwing off the useless and embracing the truth, whatever it means to you.

Peace

When everything bursts....

Life is good, as magical and beautiful as these flowers. More to catch up on but right now we're going outside for a nice hike.

Peace

Okay...

Yeeesss, I think I'm gonna make it.

First of all I have to apologize to Minnesota for all of my unkind words about winter there. Well, maybe not, winter does suck in Minnesota but I had accused those gloomy cold winters of causing my mid-winter blues. Now I realize I just get the mid-winter blues, even here in mostly sunny California.

Perhaps it's a little less severe but it all seems the same when I'm in the middle of them. I see a pattern here. Every year I crash in January and even though I keep myself busy enough and most people wouldn't even notice a difference, I know.

I call them the "What's the Point?" blues.

I know they'll go away and that sometimes in March or April I'll perk up and my joie de vivre will come back. Until that time I seldom work in my studio, I avoid most interaction. I force myself to go through the motions each day. I get by, that's all. I try to treat myself gently, cups of tea and a warm blanket, watching three seasons of the Game of Thrones was fun too. I actually enjoyed all that sex and gore and violence, overlaid with greed and power madness.

Now the trees are seriously budding and the daffodils are putting on their show of mad abandon. I'm beginning to crawl out of my hole.  I can forget about my troubles in the wonder of watching the peonies racing up to the sky.  The roses are leafing out and my azaleas are starting to blossom.  The dogwood blossoms are still small but the trees are covered with them.  It's going to be a beautiful show soon.

Thankfully, there are things blooming in my studio too which is a sure sign that all is well.

 Peace

Home again...

Whew, been there and back again...

There is West Texas, where my K and GBella live now.  Yikes, not a terrible beautiful place.

At all.

This picture is the view, flying into Midland, of the wells.

But every place has it's interesting features, mostly this one.

She's walking now and climbing and sliding down slides, what fun!  I adore her and I think she likes me fine too.

Home now and just about finished with catch up so I can bury myself in some enameling.  Hopefully I'll have something new to show soon.

I got lucky and managed to purchase this amazing painting by Sheila Cameron who is one of my all time favorite artists.  She's incredibly talented in multiple way and funny as all get out too.  I have multiple pieces of her art, most of them are in my studio.

Why is her art is my studio?  That's an interesting question.  I'll think on that and get back soon.

Peace

Olympics

I confess I've been glued to either the tv or my laptop, drinking up aerial skiing, downhill skiing, snowboarding fast and fancy, bobsledding, hockey and most of all, figure skating. This year NBC (bless them) have offered the entire competition online, long but so wonderful to see all of the amazing skaters instead of the top 6 or 8 on prime time tv.

I get out of bed early and watch online while eating my oatmeal. I keep an eye on various events while working in my studio, late at night I watch prime time tv, snippets of many events combined with special interest stories and, hideously, commercials.  

GAWD, how come the Super Bowl gets all the good stuff?  We get the little girl asking for 60 bucks instead of 40 to babysit because they drive her home in a fancy vehicle. I'm so sick of this commercial, which is now playing for the fourth or fifth time this evening.

Oh well, it's worth it.  The two weeks of gathering equipment and fiddling with cables that didn't work almost made me say to hell with it.  The pageantry and the sheer beauty of lifetime athletes competing at the highest level I find inspiring and exciting.

So, here I am, curled up with Dandy, watching tv, feeling very lazy but mentally planning my quick trip to Texas this week.  I cannot stay away from my girls for very long.  The challenge now is having my children spread out by six hours, Texas is a big place.  There may be a trip to Austin for a day or two depending.

This has been a tough few months, endless illness and hospital stays for young and old. More than ever I feel the need for a companion but the search proves frustrating. Oh well, things can change quickly.

Goodnight, sweet dreams.

Little Corgi in the Mist

After four days of heavy rain we got out into the woods.  The moss has reappeared to cloak the trees with green, the holding pond is full and the trees were breathing out mist, finally.

They say 10 inches, but my Dad emptied his 5 inch rain gauge four times, do that math.

I heard Folsom Lake rose 14 feet during the weekend.

All I can do is thank the Gods and hope we get more, it feels fabulous.

Peace